The Last Step

Once again its hard to put into words. Even after many times ... the feeling at the end is a cold, dissapointing fist around your heart. It creeps upon you in those most vulnerable of moments - when you're reading or lost in thought, when you're looking upon a memorable object or trivia or recollect a funny incident.
Too many misunderstandings, too many instances when u read too much into some action or just plain tired of things.
Again I'm at this juncture and I inevitably have to ask myself again ... Y? Having been hopelessly optimistic sometimes now I just feel deflated. I have this theory you know. That I'm not allowed to get serious ... because everytime I do so ... things change and mishaps occur. I'll be back up and running again after a period ... but at this point of time you just have to wonder: is it ever gonna lift off?
I was just thinking that God gives each of us a balance in life - you can't have it all so to speak - so is it because I've had it going in too many other areas in life? I'd like to think not. Despite my beliefs ... I think deep down I still believe that we can change the world, that not all is preordained and that we CAN strive against any odds to achieve what we want.
Arghhh ... right now, some distance and clarity of thought. Gotta be primed for the year ahead.
To you I say sorry and thank you. I enjoyed the journey if ... not the destination.